The Effortless Balance of Give and Receive
By Yael Reiss
The bird takes shelter in the tree and feeds off the worms that inhabit the tree.
The tree finds itself giving shelter to the bird.
The tree enjoys the protection the bird gives it by eating the worms off of it.
The bird nourishes the tree with her droppings.
This is a perfect balance between give and receive.
No one is making any effort.
Just by being,
both the bird and the tree are reciprocating, effortlessly.
Any healthy relationship has that natural balance of give and receive.
The only place that this balance comes in a different way, naturally, is between parents and children: Parents give, and children receive.
When these children have drunk enough from the fountain of their giving parents,
when they grow up, their own fountain is full,
and now they have something to give to their children.
So children give onwards to their children what they received from their parents.
It’s a cascade of give and receive.
From one generation to the next.
Mother Nature’s natural flow of energy.
Except for when humans interfere with mother nature’s plans,
and create multi-generational trauma,
of parents that can’t give,
who raise children that don’t have from whom to receive.
They then don’t get to quench their thirst by the fountain of giving parents,
so their giving cup is empty.
And when they become parents, instead of giving, they are busy trying to receive, from their own children.
And that’s when you see children that learn that life is only about giving, and no place for receiving.
Those neglected children grow into adults that only know to give,
and do not know to receive.
They replicate this give-only survival strategy in any context of life: work, couple relationship, friendships. It is draining. To always give and never receive.
People who give-only can address this survival strategy. They can find ways to feel safe and joy in this world, finding reciprocating ways of connecting,
enjoying the natural balance of giving and receiving.
Systemic Family Constellations workshop or 1:1 session is one of the best ways to address issues that run in families.
